A fake. A fraud. 

Sometimes I feel like a fake. A fraud. 

Sometimes…I am not strong. I am not happy. I do not have peace. I cannot see the light.

Then I remember that life is not always peaceful. We are each sad at times. We all have our moments of weakness. Our lives are sometimes dark.

These times do not define me; they are not who I am. They do not determine my future. They do not control my destiny. 

I can choose happiness, joy, peace and strength…after I feel the pain and have a good cry…I can reach out to Him who is always available. He is always near to the broken-hearted. He is joy. He is peace. He is my strength. He is Light. He is the way, the truth, and the life. 

Christianity, poetry


I write about my life, my journey, my family, and my faith. I am wife to one, mom to seven with one in heaven, and grandmother to many. I am also full-time caregiver to my stepmom E who suffers from dementia due to Alzheimer’s. In my spare time I like to read, travel, crochet, bike, and play with our black pug Molly.

Comments (8)

  • It’s been just over a month since our 3-yr old grandson, Levi, was accidentally killed. I try to go on but I don’t know how to act around people, so I find I want to hide in my house. I tell myself I should be getting on with life, but I am still daily crying and asking God Why? Why? Why?. I want to restore my faith, but I don’t trust God because of what he allowed to happen to our Levi. How do I find joy in the Lord again when I don’t feel I can trust Him to not hurt me?

    • Laverna,

      I am so sorry! I know you are hurting. And questioning. Everything.

      Your wound is still fresh and painful. I know it sound cliche, but you need time. Time to heal, to grieve, to cry. And time to cry out to God. If you keep crying out, He will answer.

      I know it seems hard to trust Him. But He is the only One worthy of our trust. He alone is purely righteous, loving, kind, compassionate and gracious.

      I pray that you allow the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, to give you peace and comfort.

      It will take time to heal. Now is a time for grieving for you. Grieve, cry, pray, feel the pain and grief. That is how we get better. We must go through it all. And with God’s help, you can get through this.

      I will continue to pray for your whole family.

  • I never realized anyone else could take my thoughts and put on paper but you do somehow. Yes, the death of younger bro. without warning it was car accident left me wondering why Ricky instead of me Lord you gave me a second chance 24 years ago.Then 10 year later 3 days before my34 birthday you took dad but he had cancer I was sad and at same time relieved.then 6 years later we found mom had same thing. I still wonder why you Lord took the 3 people and left me who couldn’t run. then I in my quiet times would hear a voice you still have work to do as I have found I could talk with people who were like I was,having to wear braces lost loves etc. Found I helped them and me too to talk about it

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