This is truth: The death of my child changed me. Design

Since the death of my son…

I am more vulnerable.
I am more sensitive.
My faith is stronger.
I have lost my innocence; I know bad things happen.
I have a hard time listening to small talk or caring about trivial things.
I have difficulty going new places.
I often have trouble sleeping.
My mind is on eternal things.
I crave quiet and peace.
I cry easily. Maybe not in front you, but if I am hurt, the tears come when I am alone.
I am insecure regarding whether others like or care about me.
I am weak, not a word that used to describe me, but that is who I am now.

Some of these changes are good. I am grateful for a stronger faith. I’m glad to be more sensitive, especially to the needs of others around me. Heaven and eternity are more real to me, and that is a good thing.

Some of the other changes are not good. I’m working on dealing with my fears, anxiety, and insecurity. I am choosing recovery and choosing peace, God’s peace.

The truth is that death of my child changed me. It does not define me, but I am forever changed. 

If you have experienced the death of a child may I introduce you to While We’re Waiting? They are a faith-based ministry to bereaved parents. You can find them on Facebook and at

A to Z Challenge, AtoZChallenge, Changed, death of a child, FAITH, Grief, healing in grief, Loss of a child, support for parents who lost a child


I write about my life, my journey, my family, and my faith. I am wife to one, mom to seven with one in heaven, and grandmother to many. I am also full-time caregiver to my stepmom E who suffers from dementia due to Alzheimer’s. In my spare time I like to read, travel, crochet, bike, and play with our black pug Molly.

Comments (6)

  • Teri Lynne McConnell

    I lost my 31 yr old son to suicide November 2015. I was a single mom for 19 yrs. I was all he had for years since his dad was
    Never around or cared. I have changed I am weak which my kids are
    Not use to. I was their team mom to coach, to referee. I try not to blame Myself but I do. I’ve tried to get myself to a Grief meeting but it being so far and than the snow I haven’t gone. I just don’t understand and as it’s said I won’t all I could do is love him, remember the good times and mostly I need to forgive him and myself.

    • I’m sorry for your loss. It’s hurts sooooo much.

      Are you part of any online support groups? While We’re Waiting is amazing. They have a wonderful Facebook group. Closed so only those in the group can read your posts. They are kind and loving folks. They also host free weekends at their refuge near Hot Springs, AR. Check them out.

  • Kathleen
    Thanks for writing this. It fits me to a tee now. I was always the strong one in our 6 person family (My husband, 24 year old son and his wife, 21 year old son, and 17 year old daughter). After losing my 24 year old to a tragic accident in Dallas last November, I have changed so much. I am no longer strong like i was before, I no longer want to go out in public, my husband and some friends who have stuck it out with us force me to get out of the house. If it wasn’t for working, I wouldn’t leave my bedroom. The only area I differ from you above is in my faith. I have lost my faith from my situation. I am in the why/where was God to protect my son that morning? Why did it have to be Brenton and not some low life who doesn’t deserve to breathe air? My family has seen over the last six months me go from always being the one to go to for everything to they have quit coming to me and go straight to their dad now. It’s a journey for me that I never thought I would survive and am still not sure how I will end up. So thanks for the blog.

  • The death of my son … changed me in many ways too… my weakness is one thing, just like you, that I am still not used to.

    Well written, spoken and felt.


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