In the past two months I’ve been contacted by a number of folks who needed to “place momma next week!” They were looking for advice and help. (I’m always glad to help when I can and to share my knowledge!)
A few of these folks had been thrust into the situation because their family member had a sudden debilitating illness or accident. Others had been caring for the family member in their home for years but could no longer continue. I was able to get in touch with someone who could help them quickly.
Here’s my advice for those with elderly or infirm family members:
If you are caregiver for a parent or family member with dementia or serious chronic health issues, don’t wait until you need full time, residential care to start visiting area facilities. Don’t wait until your loved one needs urgent full time care to learn about care options and the rights of residents of long term care facilities. Start now. Learn everything you can so you are able to make the best decisions for placement when needed.
Three years ago I visited every Independent Living (IL), Assisted Living(AL) and Memory Care (MC) facility in town. I also visited many facilities near E’s brother, so I could compare state to state and learn as much as I could (and in case I decided living near him was best for her.) It wasn’t until ten months later that she moved to Texas, to an Assisted Living near me.
I took tours. I made notes. I asked questions. I spoke to staff and residents. (At one facility the tour guide knocked on a door to show me a particular room layout. The lady who lived there was thrilled to have a visitor! I ended up sitting and chatting with her for more than an hour as she showed me the beautiful furniture her late husband had made and told me about him and their children. The staff member started to apologize, but I told her I was fine. She had a meeting which she went to the meeting while I stayed and chatted. No, I did not place E there. I believe spending time with that sweet woman was the purpose of my tour.)
When I could, I had a friend go with me on the tours. Linda had experience with Alzheimer’s and placing family in long term care facilities. She went with me on my first three tours. Her perspective was so helpful! She often just asked me what I thought of this or had I considered that or did I notice that thing. I’m so grateful to her.
Find a friend or professional to help you as you tour facilities. (More on professionals later.)
At each facility I was given a brochure. I made notes on the material as we toured. I took pictures of rooms. If needed, I asked to sit for a moment to write things down.
I created a spreadsheet and added information after each visit:
Facility Name
Address
Type of Facility – IL, AL, MC
Number of Residents
Type of Room – Private or Semi-private
Private Shower – some facilities have toilet and sink in rooms but showers are in the hallway and shared by residents.
Room Type – each facility has names for the styles of rooms. I made note of what rooms were available.
Size of Room – square footage
One room or two – E’s room had a bedroom area and a living room. Her first placement had one large room with no separation.
Cost per Month Rent
Cost per Month Additional Services – E needs Medication Management, Assistance Dressing (Cueing only. Hands-on would be more) and Escort to Activities)
Do They Accept Medicaid? – rarely does and Assisted Living accept Medicaid. It’s good to know if yours does.
General Impressions.
I learned how the types of facilities differed. I learned terms like “Age in place” and “Secured facility”. (Secured facilities are usually Assisted Livings that accept residents who are “Elopement Risks” and may have many residents who suffer from advance dementia, but they differ from Memory Care.)
I read books about Eldercare and dementia. “The 36 Hour Day” and “Dementia with Grace” are the two I learned most from.
I joined caregiver support groups on Facebook. I wanted to understand caregiving so I’d know what to look for in a long-term care facility.
I researched the rights of long-term care facility residents and their families. I learned what an ombudsman was.
I asked lots of questions!
And I prayed.
On hiring a professional….
When I first became Guardian for E, I hired a Care Manager. She was an expert on facilities in that area. She met with both of us (E and me) and asked lots of questions not only about E’s card needs but about her likes and dislikes. Then she put together a list of places she thought would be a good fit. She answered lots of my questions over the next few weeks. And she visited E weekly for months (a huge help to me since I was eleven hours away.)
A friend of mine owns Senior Living Transitions in Wichita Falls. Her services are free to the families. She is paid by the facility once a placement happens (similar to an employment agency). She knows the area facilities and staffs because she visits often. She volunteers for things like Bingo where she sees the residents and staff interacting. I recommend finding a service like SLT in your area. And, yes, the Senior Living Transitions team has worked with families as far as eighteen months in advance of when their loved one was actually placed in a long term care facility. They are willing to work with you to help you the best possible solution and the right timing for placement.
Yes, national agencies can help you find a place for mom. But they may not have a person in your area, in which case they will look online and give you information from facility websites.
Having someone experienced and knowledge in your area is priceless!