Fear

A few years ago, I almost lost my husband to a serious staph infection.  We went through four years of more surgeries and Ron using crutches and a cane to walk before he was able to walk or jog normally again.

My oldest son spent two tours in Afghanistan with the US Marine Corps.  One of those was the well-known “Dark Horse Unit” often mentioned on Facebook because of the high number of casualties they had in such a short time.

We almost lost one of our children to an illness in the last year.

I was fearful for weeks at a time that I would actually lose one of children or my husband. It did not show to the world, but I was afraid.

Over the past year, I finally came to believe that God is in control;  that all the days of our lives are written in His book before one of them came to be; that He knows the time and the hour of our death; and that there was nothing I could do to prevent death at the appointed time.  I began to have a lasting peace once again.

Within moments of finding out that Andrew was dead, God tapped me on the shoulder and asked, “You believed it to be true for your husband and other children.  Do you believe it for Andrew?”

What choice did I have?  I have to believe.

I believe that He is a good and beautiful God, slow to anger abounding in love.  He is compassionate and gracious.  He works all things for our good.  He has a plan for our lives. He is faithful and true.  He is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

I am so grateful that He took me through the trials this spring so that my faith was built up and I had studied the Word intensely over the past few years so I know the TRUTH!

I do not understand all He is doing.  But I know His character.  I can trust Him.

————————————–

I wrote this to a friend.  Here is her response:

What a beautiful statement of faith you just made.  Everything you said is exactly what While We’re Waiting is about.  We always talk about Psalm 139:15-16 at our parent retreats.  We discuss it in terms of our children’s lives, that God had every one of their days planned before they were born, and that His plan for their lives was perfectly fulfilled in the number of days He gave them.  And we also discuss this passage in terms of our own lives … that God has our days numbered as well, and that His plan for us is NOT yet complete.  He left us here for a reason, and we need to be about serving Him and seeking to glorify Him while we’re waiting to be reunited with our children one day.

And you’re so right … even when we don’t understand what He is doing, we can trust Him because He is good.  That’s the bottom line.

While We’re Waiting is a ministry to parents who have children in heaven.  Find out more about them and their ministry at: www.whilewerewaiting.org

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mothers womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Psalms 139:13-16 (ESV)

Our Father knew every one of our days even before we were formed in our mother’s womb.

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