It helps my grief
It gives me strength
It helps clear my mind

When I am tired, I doubt.
I doubt God.
I doubt Love.
I doubt Truth.
I doubt Kindness.
I doubt the motives of others.
I doubt the future.

I do not doubt these things when I am rested.

When I am tired,
I cry more.
I hurt more.
I question more.

I cry less, hurt less and question less when I am rested.

Sleep helps me in my healing.
Sleep helps in my recovery.

But sometimes I just want sleep all day and all night to make my grief go away.

I want to hide in my bed and pretend the hard things have not happened. That they are not happening.

I want to sleep and not feel.
To sleep and not think.
To sleep and not see the boxes of his things in my garage.
To sleep and not think about my son being gone.
To sleep and not deal with other issues in my life.
To sleep and not face the holidays and his birthday.

This weekend I have slept.

But tomorrow…
I will wake up and have joy
I will go to church with my husband
I will worship Christ
I will see friends I have not seen in many weeks
I will go to lunch with friends
I will do some decorating

Then I will sleep.

3 thoughts on “Sleep

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