May I clarify my FB post?

The day after Christmas, I posted this on my FB wall:

Love the sunsets in north Texas.

I made it through the second Christmas without Andrew Raymond Duncan with lots of joy and peace and love from family and friends.

We are that much closer to the day we join him at the throne of our Savior.

Have a great weekend!

Clearly, at least one person misunderstood what I meant. She wrote:

I can not–will not– believe that Andrew Raymond Duncan (or anyone else) would want us to count down the days, weeks, years, and holidays until we join him.

Life and the people in our lives are too precious–live for and with those who are alive.

Cherish those who are around you, instead of focusing on those who are not.

Andrew was so full of life–I truly believe it would break his heart to see people treating their lives as a “waiting room” for death.


To clarify, I do not treat my life as a waiting room for death.

And I hope and pray that none of you treat your life as a waiting room for death.  Live!  Live well!  Live with JOY and PEACE and HAPPINESS and GRACE and LOVE!

Reading through the Bible, I have learned that Heaven is a very real and very beautiful place.  I do look forward to being there for all eternity. I look forward to seeing my Savior face-to-face and worshiping the Father without distractions.  There are many people that I look forward to spending time with: Sarah, Abraham, Joshua, Ester, Rita & Glen Duncan, my dad and mom, Grandmother Estes and her forefathers, children of many of my While We’re Waiting friends and many, many more.  I do look forward to hearing Andrew’s laugh and getting a hug from him.

But I am in no hurry to get there.

I have work to do here on earth still!  God has prepared work for each of to do while on earth. I want to do the work He has prepared in advance for me to do.   And I have lots of things I want to see and do.  I want to learn to solo hang glide.  I want to truly understand the book of Romans.  I want to lose another 15 pounds and run a half marathon.  I want to travel with Ron when we do not have to be any place.  I want to read a few books and finish more Precept studies.  I want to see what direction my young adult children choose.  I want to see Israel.  I want more grandchildren.

I enjoy my life.  I enjoy the journey.

I have many friends who have lost children in the past year or two.  Many of them are my “friends” on Facebook.  I try to post encouragement to them, to encourage them that as time goes by, the pain gets less.  In time, the deep sorrow dissipates.  In time, laughter and joy and healing will come.  Many of us count the time since we last saw our child alive: 7 weeks, 157 days, 16 months, 4 1/2 years.  Rather than looking back to the time we last saw them, some of us try to look forward: I am 7 weeks closer to the reunion in Heaven, 157 days closer to seeing Jesus, 16 months further down the road to true healing, 4 1/2 years closer to seeing my son again.

It is a way to turn our sorrow into hope.  Our pain into healing.  Our grief into looking toward a future.  A way to begin living again after a painful death.

Looking forward to something does not mean we don’t live for today.  Wanting to see someone does not mean I care less for those around me.  Heading towards a goal does not mean I do not enjoy the journey towards the finish line.

There is joy in this  journey along with some pain and lots of challenges.  But a joyful journey it is.


4 thoughts on “May I clarify my FB post?

  1. Your joy shines through each of your posts. I see it. It’s there. I’m sorry that some people are too uncomfortable with their own issues to see the joy in your posts. You have so much planned. You aren’t letting anything get you down. You know exactly what you’re doing and you are doing for so many others, as well.


    • Corina,

      One of my goals is to have the Joy of the Lord shine through my life. Thank you for acknowledging that it is there, shining through. Yes, many people are uncomfortable and have their own issues. I think one of my jobs is to recognize that and have compassion on them in the midst of their issues. Just as I do not want judgement regarding my grief, I do not want to judge them in their issues. But I do want to grow and learn, so am willing to listen to criticism. Then prayerfully consider the validity of the criticism. And act on it if warranted… or toss it if not.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Kathleen, please permit me to make a comment coming from the very pain that you experience :the loss of a child. After reading the last post about one of your friends who suggested that you move on and “live for the children that are alive” in addition to this comment from someone on FB who seems to have more advice than they have compassion….they both sound like some of Job’s friends. The well-meaning but clueless and seemingly heartless friends have no clue to the suffering that the loss of a child brings to a mother. It is indescribable…try as we might.

    Sure, as Christians, we have the hope of those who do not believe as is stated in 2 Timothy but we are also very human and have that unnerving tendency to actually FEEL pain and grieve over those lovely lives that we nurtured and loved for the short time they lived. I make no bones about how I feel and think on this subject because I have had those very insensitive people in my life as well. You know what I did with them? I no longer call them my friends. I even have family members who have treated me with the very same insensitivity. I cannot heal from my loss because I loved so deeply. I only look forward to that time of great reunion with all loved ones. After each day passes, I too, breathe a sigh of relief that I am one day closer to being with Jesus and Brandon. It is why I can live from day to day, knowing of the promise that death has been defeated. It is how I can testify to any of those around me because of that faith that pushes me onward to the goal.

    Your “bucket list” looks very ambitious. I envy your adventurous spirit. As for me, I will just read about hand gliding. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dale,

      I think those who have not experienced this type of loss cannot understand. I hope they never do. But as TheRelunctantBaptist said, with maturity, we learn to tread lightly when criticizing another’s decisions.

      As to my bucket list, I wish I could do solo hang gliding, in part, because that would mean I got to spend lots of time at Lookout Mountain! My grandkids are there as are two of my daughters. It is a place of peace and joy for me. If you ever get to go there, stay at Garden Walk Inn and watch the “flying men” as my grandsons call the hang gliders from atop the mountain. It is great fun!


Please tell me what you think about this post.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s