I am grateful for all my kids. (They are not kids any more.)
I’m glad I get to be their mom. I proud of the men and women they have become and of the things they are doing. They are kind and generous. They are hardworking, loving, and fun. I’m proud that they have grown up and have lives of their own.
But I miss seeing them around the house. The noise! The laughs! Even the fights. I love how noisy our home was. I loved seeing them cook together and play together. I love how the Duncan boys were known as good workers if you had a project to be done. I loved seeing the girls help each other. I loved all the friends coming and going. The house was rarely quiet when they were all home, even during the night.
And I love how peaceful it is in now at the house. I can sit and study, read, or just think. We hear the birds singing and coyotes howling. We often wake to the donkey next door braying. Sitting on the front porch in the morning and evenings is so quiet and peaceful. And my house stays clean now!
I have a great relationship with most of my kids. I enjoy talking with them and hearing about the good things happening in their lives. I’m thrilled when new pictures are posted on social media or new stories about their exploits are shared. I love getting phone calls and texts. My grandsons call to talk even! At almost six, Elijah can carry on a long conversation. 3 year old Colin is too busy sometimes, but he always says “thank you” when he gets a package from us. We get to see them all fairly often in our travels.
So don’t get me wrong, I have a great life and lots of joy. But I miss Andrew. I wish I had….well too many things I wish I had done more of, or less of, or done better.
I’ve been feeling grateful…and a bit sad lately. Part of having a child die. Gratitude for all I had with him, for all I still have, and sadness because he’s not here to be a part of the goings on.
Perhaps it’s time for some tractor therapy. Or jelly beans. Or Texas chocolate sheet cake if anyone wants to make one for me.
Have a blessed day.