Special days

Bereaved parents mention two special days on which they struggle: their child’s birthday and the day their child died. These special days can be tough.

So many memories of past birthdays and happy times. How old would their child be if he had lived? How do they  celebrate birthdays in heaven? Thoughts of birthdays that will never be.

So many memories of the day they died. Visual memories of doctors, or policemen. Sounds of medical alarms or rescue sirens. Funeral arrangements. Feelings and memories of calling friends to give them the bad news. Things people said. Or did not say.

For me, Christmas Eve is one of those special days. Andrew was our early Christmas present in 1992. Our fifth child. August 12 is the other. It is the day of The Accident, though his official date of death is August 13 because the justice of the peace could not get to the scene and pronounce them dead for 45 minutes due to the remote location.

May also has a few tough days for me: Graduations, Mother’s Day, TEXAS tech week and opening night.

Graduations are hard because he will never complete the two degrees he was working on (dance and accounting) and because I see FB posts of all his friends finishing school and heading into the world to conquer and explore. Please, don’t get me wrong! I am excited for all the young people graduating! I am thrilled to see what they have accomplished and what is ahead for them! I just wish he was among them.

Mother’s Day is another one of those tough days. Mother’s Day is not tough for the reasons you may think. It is hard because for three years, Mother’s Day was the day Andrew left for his new summer job – dancing and acting in a summer show. Mother’s Day weekend 2013 was the last weekend Andrew spent at home. He was a professional dancer/actor. He loved performing. I miss the excitement as he packed his car and headed out for a new adventure!

The last week of May is hard because it is tech week for TEXAS. It opens the Tuesday after Memorial Day each year. I love seeing the pictures and antics of the cast and crew. But again, I wish he was among them.

The second weekend in June is hard as well. It is recital weekend at our local dance studio. So many pictures of young men and women in their dance costumes! Many of them danced with Andrew at one time or another. Pangs of grief grip my heart when I see these pictures and read these posts. I wonder if anyone remember my son. Do they think of him? Do they still laugh when remembering his antics?

And then I get a text or message from another mom or young person telling them miss him, they love him. And a friend posts a picture featuring his smile, like the one posted by a TEXAS cast member today. And my heart sings with joy. 

Andrew is on the right

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One thought on “Special days

  1. I feel like I have a season of days. There is respite in the summer, but winter/spring is hard. Not just the birthdays, or days a loved one dies. You’ve expressed very well a common feeling of grief, through a particular view, telling us a lot about your son. Beautifully said.

    Liked by 1 person

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