Topics of Conversation, part two

Andrew in Nutcracker. December 2012

Did you notice that grief and death were nowhere in the list of topics we discussed in our 20+ hour drive home last weekend?

Yes, we remember our son. Yes, we still hurt and get sad sometimes. Yes, I think of him everyday. But grief no longer overwhelms me. Death and grief are not the focus of my life. Actually, we rarely talk about grief, The Accident or sadness on our travels. If Andrew is mentioned, it is usually with a smile. Or even a giggle. He brought brings joy to our lives, as all our adult children do. 

In Christ, we have hope, joy, and peace. Our son was a follower of Jesus. As a result, he in the presence of Christ now. Someday I will join him there, because I, too, am a disciple of Christ. There is great joy and hope in knowing that I have eternal life.  

A month or so after The Accident, I asked Ron if he wanted to talk about it. “No, I don’t. I don’t want to talk about it. Or about death. But if you do – any time you do – I am willing to listen,” was his reply. Just one of many reasons I love my husband.

There are times when we see something in our travels or read a post on Facebook that reminds us of our son, and Ron will comment. As I wrote last week, I cried in a hotel in New York after hearing a song from the memorial service. He held me while I cried and loved me well. But tears are rare these days. Joy, smiles and laughter are common. 

We like to laugh and tell stories when we are together as a family. Our kids’ lives are intertwined, so a story about one might include or lead to a story about the others. Andrew’s name comes up often. 

However, I try to be careful not to mention him right before we go to bed. I don’t want us to be sad last thing before sleep

I made an exception last night. I was looking for a video of Andrew getting pepper sprayed… Voluntarily. (It’s a funny story and I had a good reason to be looking for it, but could not find that particular video. I hope to share it when I do find it.) I found a video of him and one of his favorite partners dancing for the final in one of their dance classes at West Texas A&M University. I had never seen this video. I love the smile he gives her towards the end. Johanna and Andrew were dear friends. Watching it brought joy to us both just before we went to sleep. 

 

Andrew and his sweet friend Johanna

 
I have not learned the best way to embed a video in a blog article. So here is the link. And another shorter one of the two dancing for the midterm in that same partnering class. The class was spring of 2013. 

Andrew was known not only as a dancer, but also for his silly pickup lines. As I was looking for the dance link, I found this one of him delivering a favorite of his. I had seen it before, and it always makes me smile! 

I hope you enjoy seeing a bit of our son’s personality in these videos. I am grateful that his friends have posted these for us to enjoy. They help me remember that he is still alive! Even more so now, in heaven! 

 

Andrew surrounded by his dance friends being silly

 

Note: the featured photo is Andrew as Macavity in Cats. 

7 thoughts on “Topics of Conversation, part two

  1. As always – am completely enthralled and pulled into your writing and the powerful emotion embedded in it. Thank you for sharing Kathleen

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kathleen, Thank you for sharing that. We tragically lost our 12-year old son on March 9. I cannot imagine going to sleep or waking up without the sense of loss and pain heavy on my mind and body. To hear that we may have that relief some day is so comforting. I have a hard time looking at photos of him right now. I just cry. I cannot imagine viewing videos but I know someday I will. Thank you for the hope you give me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jennifer, for months I cried at every picture or video. I learned that I could sob in my sleep and wake up sobbing. Who knew?

      But as time went by…and I chose to do things that would help my healing…I did heal. Some things that helped me:

      Physical exercise
      Getting outside in the sunshine
      Writing this blog
      Talking to others who are farther along their grief journey
      Reading uplifting books
      Not watching certain movies or tv shows
      Church
      Worship
      Listening to good music
      Being honest about how I was doing
      Continuing with everyday chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry
      Prayer
      Friends who listened, laughed and cried with me
      Knowing what could handle and saying no to things I could not.

      While We’re Waiting support group was a huge help.

      Praying for you to have peace today…and to find joy again soon.

      Liked by 1 person

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