Perhaps I’m feeling sad because today is the 12th. The Accident was on the 12th. Perhaps this week was hard because Peter turned 21. His brother will never have a 21st birthday; he died at age 20. Perhaps I am worn out because of all the traveling we have done the last few months. Perhaps I am feeling off because I haven’t exercised or been outside much this past week. Or perhaps I am feeling low because I am human, and we humans just feel low sometimes.
Today I am low, off, worn out, and sad.
I miss my kids. All of them. I miss hearing them run through the house. I miss their laughter, their talks, their noise. I miss having them cooking and making messes. I miss their hugs and waiting up for them to come home at night before I went to sleep. I miss watching movies with them, especially the ones we could quote by heart. I miss asking for a table for nine at restaurants. I even miss hearing them argue.
I’m grateful they have grown up and moved on to their own lives. They are doing well. They are making progress in pursuit of joy and life and happiness. School, career, family. They have great friends and live great adventures.
I love the phone calls I get and the silly texts. I feel needed when they call for my help with some paperwork or such. I enjoy seeing their Instagram and FB posts. I especially like traveling to see them.
But I miss them. And I miss their brother.
On sad days I can still have peace.
I know my Redeemer lives. I know I am loved. I know I am cared for. I know He is Lord of all. And on sad days that is enough.