This is how I felt that first year.
Over time, and by doing the next right thing, I am better now. My faith in Jesus Christ, prayer, and patience with myself have helped me. The pain is less and easier to bear.
The days of sadness and sobbing are fewer and farther between. I have lots of joyful days.
Sunny days and rainy days both can be of comfort to me now. I still love to read or take naps on rainy days. I love getting outside to walk, bike, or work in my yard on sunny days.
I am able to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. The complaints of other don’t seem so petty; I have more compassion for hurting people.
Small things don’t send me into a rage or depression any more. I seem to have more grace for those who say stupid or hurtful things. I am able to overlook slights.
I still forget things unless I write them down.
I still have days when I miss my son so bad it hurts all over. But even the “missing” has changed to be more joy in the memories and hope for the future when I will join him in the presence of Christ.
For those of you still early in your journey, be patient with yourself. It takes time for a physical wound to heal. The same is true for our broken hearts.