I shared my brokenness with someone who loves me last night. They failed this quiz.
I was able to calmly tell them they failed and that I needed a different answer. I told him I needed him to listen to me, to hear me and validate my suffering rather than trying to fix it.
In helping him understand what I needed – rather than just getting angry and bitter and isolating myself even more – I was able to help myself.
I gave him a chance to try again. He gave a wonderful answer on his second try. Then held me while I cried.
Multiple choice quiz:
When someone you care about tells you they are beaten, wounded, and hurting. When they bare their wounds and share with you how they feel, even when they tell you that you are the one that hurt them, your answer should be….
A. Yep. I know. I feel that way, too. Just last week…(followed by a story of you own pain. Ignoring their vulnerability.)
B. Wow! I didn’t know you felt that way. (Followed by silence.)
C. I’m sorry. I’m sorry you are hurting. I’m sorry that person hurt you so badly. I care about you and your pain.
D. You know you really shouldn’t be this sensitive about this. I’m sure you had something to do with the situation. Shouldn’t you be over this yet?
E. A Christian platitude like “Have you prayed about it?” or “Just lay it at the cross”. Add a scripture such as Romans 8:28.
F. If you are the one who hurt them…I am sorry. I was wrong. I should have acted differently. I’d like to try again and do better this time. Will you forgive me?