In a grief group, a gal asked if this life without our child seems to have become normal. Here is my answer:
Yes. This is my life. I’ve changed so much since The Accident!
I have become a writer. I just received my contract to write a book for a major publisher this weekend. This is something I never would have dreamed of doing before!
Some of our kids made major changes in their lives as a direct result of their brother’s death. We also have two new grandchildren.
We changed churches and are now empty-nesters who travel more than half the time.
I’ve been asked to share at a local The Compassionate Friends chapter. In those early days, I never dreamed I’d be helping others heal in grief.
So much has changed in the past three years. Many of the changes are closely related to losing our son. But this is now my life. My life without Andrew. And it is a good life.
I wish he had not died. I miss him dearly. I’d love for him to see what our lives are like now. But that is not to be.
I enjoy my life. I have joy and peace. It’s not at all what I had imagined just a few years ago. But it is a good life, a life punctuated by grief and healing, but not defined by either.
It took work to get here. Lots of work.
Lots of study time spent in The Word before and after The Accident. It took tears and pain and help from friends.
It took making the choice to not drink away the pain when that was exactly what I wanted to do. It took going to some AA meetings with friends to keep from going to that dark pit.
It took counseling and driving six hours to attend While We’re Waiting support group meetings. It took attending a WWW Parents Weekend.
It took listening to my husband when he wanted to talk without judging if he was doing it right. It took listening to the Holy Spirit even when that hurt.
It took choosing to get up in the morning and get dressed. It took going outside, to the grocery store, and the dry cleaners. It took going to the dentist and calling repair men to fix stuff around me house. It took balancing my checkbook and celebrating the birth of a new grand baby. It took going to church and crying through each and every song.
In short, it took faith and doing the next right thing.
I still have difficulty praying. I usually pray scripture as that is “safe”. I am closer to God in many ways because I rethought much of my theology.
Little things aren’t worth getting upset over. I have more peace now than I did before. I know I can handle anything with God’s help because I’ve made it through the loss of my son.
Yes, this life has become my life. It’s a good life. It took work to get here. Work, doing the next right thing, friends, and God. I’m grateful for all of them.