My Friends 

I have friends who have had miscarriages. 

I have friends who have had stillbirths. 

I have friends who lost a baby to SIDS. 

I have friends whose child drowned. 

I have friends whose child died from cancer. 

I have friends whose child died in a tornado. 

I have friends whose child died from suicide.

I have friends whose child was murdered. 

I have friends whose child died in a motorcycle wreck. 

I have friends whose child died after a skateboard accident. 

I have friends whose child died in a freak accident. 

I have friends whose child died from heart disease or asthma or diabetes. 

I have friends whose child died from drug overdose. 

I have friends whose child died in a car wreck.

None of them like to take about the details of their child’s death. 

They all love to speak of how their child lived. 

When you meet a bereaved parent, rather than asking how their child died, ask how he lived. 

Ask them about his favorite toy.

His favorite song.

His favorite movie.

His hobbies.

His major.

His passions.

His laugh.

Ask them about their favorite memory.

Ask what they miss most about him,

Ask to see a picture of his smile.

Ask them not how their child died but how he lived.

Because, you see, the important thing isn’t that he died but that HE LIVED!

Note: If your friend lost a child through miscarriage or stillbirth, acknowledge that their child lived and that life matters. These losses can be particularly hard. 


child loss, Grief


KathleenBDuncan

I write about my life, my journey, my family, and my faith. I am wife to one, mom to seven with one in heaven, and grandmother to many. I am also full-time caregiver to my stepmom E who suffers from dementia due to Alzheimer’s. In my spare time I like to read, travel, crochet, bike, and play with our black pug Molly.

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