This popped up on my Facebook page today. The last time his siblings saw him was that next morning when all went to breakfast.
When this showed up on Facebook, I cried. I'm having a hard morning. Today my Overcoat feels very heavy.
I've had many days when my overcoat feels lighter. I've had fewer days when it felt very heavy, days when grief is just hard! I've thought about what makes some days easier and other days harder.
Here's what I've learned: Grief is harder when I'm tired.
A few weeks ago my husband had major surgery on his foot to repair torn ligaments. He has four pins in his toes.
He's on a knee scooter and can't put weight on the foot. I've had to do all the heavy lifting: laundry, trash, groceries. I've had to help him more than usual. Please know that I'm not complaining! I LOVE serving my husband and take joy in helping him as he does me when I need help. It's part of marriage. But it's not easy and I get tired.
We just spent seven days in Chattanooga at Precept Ministries International studying 1 Timothy. I love these study programs! But they are hard work: seven week's of study in seven days. And I had to help Ron with his scooter, loading and unloading it into and out of the car numerous times each day. The study was wonderful but tiring.
A friend came with us this time and shared our Homewood Suite. I'd not seen her in years due to their Air Force assignments. We stayed up late almost every night talking (as old friends tend to do). Not getting enough sleep for days on end helps make me tired.
The last day of the study program I had class from 9-noon, said goodbye to friends, dropped Ron at his hotel, and then drove twelve hours to Dallas. Long day. Tiring day.
Wednesday morning Ron flew to Dallas. He couldn't really ride that far with his foot. So I drove and he flew. We both went to his doctor appointment to get the stitches out and check on the progress. Then I drove us two hours to get home. I had to help him into the house then unload all the luggage. He can't carry things right now. We were both tired when we finally got to bed.
It's been a long few weeks with a lot going on.
I'm grateful for good medical care and that Ron's foot is on the mend.
I'm grateful for the ability and resources to travel.
I'm grateful I got to spend time with our oldest and youngest daughters plus our grandbabies and son-in-law in Chattanooga.
I'm grateful for the opportunity to study God's Word.
I'm grateful my friend Casey joined us.
And I'm grateful to be home.
But I'm tired. And grief is harder when I'm tired.
So today I'm going to…
- Drink lots of water
- Get dressed in comfy clothes.
- Eat healthy, though I really want a burger, fries, and huge shake.
- Be gentle with myself
- Not make any major decisions.
- Cuddle with my puppies.
- Not do hard chores like budgeting or calling customer service about a broken appliance. They don't deserve to have to deal with my emotions today.
- Read my Bible.
- Allow myself to feel all the feelings without believing every thought that comes into my head.
- Not wear makeup.
- Not talk to too many people. Some don't understand. Plus I'm not always nice on heavy overcoat days.
- Read one of my favorite books
And I'm going to lunch with my sweet hubby, because he called to check on me and I was crying. He is so kind to me. He listens and encourages me. And he'll take me to a restaurant where I can sit in the back and eat a great salad.
Then I'm coming home to take a nap.