Am I Done?

Today a friend posted about her grieving process that first year. She had a kind of routine she did each morning. It helped her grieve.

Then one day she stopped. Just like that.

She was done with that routine. It wasn’t what she needed any more.

I have other friends who four, five, or ten years later write about their grief and child loss almost every day. Maybe it still helps them.

But I think I’m done.

I think I’m done writing about death. Writing and thinking about death, grief, and pain doesn’t help me anymore. And it may be detrimental for me to spend time writing about those topics.

I think I’m done writing about grief.

I may be done writing. I’m not sure. I am sure grief will no longer be a main topic of my writing.

I started this blog in 2013 simply to let friends and family know how we were doing after The Accident. I posted about my grief and healing process. It eventually turned into a way I could help others who are grieving, to encourage them in their journey. I also wrote articles on how friends could help grieving families.

I don’t want to write about grief anymore. I don’t think about grief and death much these days. Rarely, actually. Writing about it doesn’t help me. And I’m not sure I have much more to say on the topic that will help others.

Yes, I miss Andrew. I think about the fun memories. But I don’t grieve his death daily. Maybe not even weekly or monthly.

Grief does hit at times. Rarely these days. And it’s not just Andrew; it’s for all those I love who’ve run onto to heaven before me. I miss them. Some days I miss them more.

But I think I’m done writing about it.

Thank you all for your encouragement and support these past four years.

If I continue to write this blog, grief will only be a minor topic. I will repost old articles on grief for those who haven’t yet read them. I pray they continue to help others.

Life, love, marriage, parenting adult offspring, Bible study, and faith. These are the things I spend time thinking about these days. These are what consumes my time.

Maybe I’ll write about those things.

32 thoughts on “Am I Done?

  1. I will never understand your statement that you don’t grieve his death anymore not daily weekly or even monthly. Every second my mind screams Mandee’s name and I grieve her loss to me. Sorry. I just don’t understand your position. But I do know that we all grieve differently. So I am happy for you that you can rid yourself of it.

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    • I miss my son. Always will. I also miss many others I love who have gone to be with Jesus. But I do not live with that deep, pain-filled grief daily. I have found hope, peace, joy, and healing in Christ. I believe He came to give us abundant life here on earth, not just when we die. I believe the Holy Spirit, the Comforter is able to help us heal. I believe we can live fully until our time on earth is done.

      Yes, I miss my son. I have come to accept that his time on earth is over. I will join him one day in heaven. Until then, my other adult children, my husband, and others need me.

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  2. I appreciated reading this. I write about a very specific topic, and the trials and grief that come along with it. I have often wondered what will happen down the road if I don’t feel like writing about that anymore. It is encouraging to hear someone else process that from farther down the road and feel the freedom from God to go a different way. I pray He will continue to lead you into new ways to minister to others through your writing! Thanks for all you’ve done for Him so far!

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  3. Having walked grief recently on several counts, I couldn’t agree with you more that it can be different for everyone, but God does heal us and enable us to move on if we partner with Him in the process. It won’t look the same or same timeline for everyone. Like you, it isn’t my focus right now, but please keep writing because people needing the grief piece will find it here…and they will also find the hope and healing you now walk in. God’s many blessings! ❤ (As a side note, I also understand we never stop aching for that person, but it can be less of a focus. No condemnation for anyone still in that place.)

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    • I’m sorry you know grief. In this world, Jesus told us we’d have troubles. He also said we could take heart because He’s overcome the world! I choose to believe Him.

      Your right, the ache, the absence of their presence in our lives doesn’t go away. But it is no longer the focus of my every thought.

      I’ve gotten so many encouraging comments and messages (and a few ugly ones). Many have encouraged me to now write about the healing side of loss. Of how we can LIVE even in the suffering. If my writing helps others, and if the Lord wills, I’ll keep writing.

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  4. To lose someone you love is not easy and the fact that you started a blog to help people and yourself heal is so beautiful. I hope now you won’t stop writing because we need to see that one can live again through you…we need those articles about love,marriage, Faith, Grace ….

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  5. There comes a time when we no longer need to write about grief for our own benefit. But keep this in mind; our experiences may help someone who suffers today. We’re not counselors or experts on the subject, we’re just people who know what its like to be in it, and fortunate enough to have found our way out. Your story still has value.

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  6. I started writing in 2001, nearly ten years after Jason died. I wanted to help people understand this journey, but I think more than anything I just needed a voice for my grief. Because we had no family close and very little support, I ended up grieving very much alone this entire journey. I didn’t feel like anyone I knew really wanted to hear about my grief. I had no voice – well, maybe I had a voice, but no one to listen. Sort of reminds me of “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” If I need to talk about my son and my grief over his death and no one is around to hear it or to care, does that invalidate my grief? I don’t know. It’s given me an outlet for my need to talk about Jason and how much I miss him. It’s given me a type of connection to a community and a sense of not being so alone.

    I, too, have been thinking about what to write on my blog. Perhaps people are getting tired of my talking about my grief or maybe I’m just getting tired of hearing my own voice. I don’t know. Trying to figure it out.

    Hugs to you, my friend. You always have been an encouragement to me in your writing, and I’m sure whichever path you take and whatever you write about will be inspiring, too.

    ~Becky

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  7. I found writing my blog in the first year helpful with the grief of losing my son Jacob. I think the words that I wrote helped put my mind in the right headspace for me. What I would do to not have to write my blog but we can’t control some things in life. After the first year of writing I self published 52 entries into a book. As I continue to write going into my second year of loss my blogs are guided by photos taken with Jacob’s camera. We are forever connected as I capture the world through his eyes now, the lens of his camera. The blogs now are still guided by memories, but they tell a different story through the photos & words that accompany them.

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  8. I lost my only son on December 2,2016. Heath was saved on 07/15/2015, but somewhere along the way and being away at college, he made some very bad choices, and as result he lost his life. I live with so much fear and doubt about his eternal destiny. Heath was so excited about his new relationship with Christ, studying God’s Word and inviting other to church with him. But, somewhere along the way something terrible went wrong. I have prayed and prayed for God’s peace in letting me know that my son is in Heaven. Your book, My Journey through Grief into Grace, profoundly spoke to my heart. I finally have some sense of hope and peace. I’m so sorry that your lost your beautiful son Andrew. Thank you for sharing your story with so many.

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    • Carol, I’m so sorry for your loss.

      You said Heath was saved. That means he had eternal life! I’m sorry he made poor choices. I’m sorry they resulted in his death. I’m convinced that we who at any time were truly saved we are truly saved. We have eternal life!

      I’m grateful to hear my words spoke to your heart. Or maybe it was the Holy Spirit using my words to speak to you. Either way, I’m glad you’ve found hope and peace.

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  9. Please keep writing…something. My son, Brandon, stepped into heaven in Fed 2013 and I am right where you are. But I would look so forward to reading what you write as you more to a new season.

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