Yesterday I wrote I think I’m done writing about grief all the time. I no longer want to make Grief the main topic of my thoughts or writing. After reading many comments on my blog, Facebook, and private messages, I want to clarify something.
When our son died I said, “I will grieve his loss until I join him in heaven.” I hurt so badly I didn’t think I would ever be whole again. The pain was physically unbearable. Emotionally tormenting. Spiritually challenging.
Over the next few years, I wrote honestly about my grief.
But by allowing the Holy Spirit to work in me, and by doing the next right thing, I eventually began to heal. The pain subsided. I grew stronger. I wrote about that as well.
Now I think it’s more accurate for me to say, “I grieved deeply that first year. In some ways the second was harder; reality set in, and shock wore off. Now, more than four years later, I no longer grieve constantly. There have been a few days of grief the past few months, especially around the anniversary date, but most of the time I no longer grieve. I simply miss his presence in my life.”
From Webster’s —
Grief: deep sadness caused especially by someone’s death
Grieve: to feel or show grief or sadness
Miss: to discover or feel the absence
By these definitions I do not grieve daily. I am not deeply sad every day. I miss my kid. I miss having him in my life. But the deep sadness of grief is no longer a daily condition.
I feel certain I will always miss not only Andrew, but also my parents, my in-laws, and many others who’ve gone to be with Christ.
Yes, there will be moments and days of grief; I may write about them. But most days are filled with life – cooking, cleaning, mowing, studying, chatting with friends, petting my dogs, reading, lifting weights, cycling, travel, spending time with Ron, my kids, and my grandkids.
I’ll write about these things sometimes. But most times I’ll be living life.