Can We Walk Together?

Can We Walk Together?

We’ve both lost children.
We both hurt.
But we don’t grieve the same way.
Can we still walk through Grief together?

I carefully helped design my son’s headstone.
I was there at his funeral, sobbing.
But I don’t visit his grave often;
it doesn’t bring me comfort.
Can we still comfort each other?

I have pictures of him around the house,
along with pictures of my living children.
But we boxed up his belongings.
We gave most of it away, keeping only the most precious things.
Can we still share our pictures with each other?

I miss my son.
I miss his smile, his stories, his laugh, his hugs.
But I don’t sob or cry everyday anymore.
I don’t feel that deep, horrible pain in my soul like I used to.
I’ve found a place of healing, hope,
peace, and joy after child loss.
In Christ I’ve found healing.
Can we grieve together even if we grieve differently?

I pray for you as you walk through your grief,
as you cry and mourn.
I know you are still walking through the hardest parts of child loss.
I see you walking through grief
at the pace you need to walk, doing what’s best for you.
Can we pray for one another?

May I walk beside you in our shared knowledge of loss?
Can we still share our stories of our children?
And listen to one another?
Can we still talk and listen to each other
as we hope for a better day together?

Though I will make mistakes (as we all do)
I will help you however I am able.
I care about your pain, your grief, your loss.
though it’s different from mine.
I’m committed to listen when you speak
though your story is different from mine.
Can we help each other as we walk through the pain?

I want to comfort you with the grace and comfort I’ve received.
I won’t do it perfectly
But I want to try.
Can we comfort one another?

Though we don’t grieve the same way
I care about you.
Really I do.
Will you care about me?
Even if we grieve differently?

I remember how hard it was those early days.
I remember the searing pain, the swollen eyes from sobbing, the broken heart.
I want to listen as you tell stories of your child.
I want to help you in your grief.
I want to encourage you while we walk differently together.
I want to love you.
Will you let me?

Our children were unique.
Their lives were unique.
Their deaths were unique.
Our grief will be unique.

As we walk our unique journey of grief and healing
can we still be friends?
Can we walk side by side?
Can we walk together?
Can we love and help each other in our journey?

Can we still be friends, even if our grief journey looks different?
Please?

You see, I still have painful days.
I still hurt sometimes.
Though I don’t cry everyday,
I still have hard days.

You understand, don’t you?

I still need you, my friend.

I need you.

Since I posted about being Done with thinking about and writing about grief all the time, I’ve received some pushback. I’ve received some negative comments and messages.

The truth is: We grieve differently and it’s okay.

I may be in a different place in my grief than you are, but I still care about others who grieve. I may not write about it everyday, but death and grief and God’s comfort are part of my life, part of my story. Few days go by that I’m not contacted by someone grieving the loss of a child, family member, or friend. My heart breaks when I hear of yet another family grieving or planning a funeral.

Though I don’t talk or write about it daily, I care about those who are hurting.

And I still need support and comfort from those who get it.

Please, let’s not let the differences in our grieving process stop us from loving one another.

8 thoughts on “Can We Walk Together?

  1. I think those who were critical must still be in the earliest, most painful stages of their grief and simply can’t understand ever feeling any better. I have observed grief in my counseling office, from the very beginning. The ache, the pain, the unrestrained weeping and the WHY! I’ve watched one woman in particular who walked through her own valley of the shadow of death and slowly, carefully found her footing. Six years later, she is married to a very kind and godly man. They’ve both experienced the loss of a life partner, and so, in my eyes, are holding this new relationship even more carefully because they appreciate the fragility of life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this and I appreciate you being so honest. We do all grieve differently and we should respect that and support each other. I am almost one year into grieving the loss of my oldest son Derek. I am leaning heavily on the Lord to help me through this. I am trying to balance grieving and healing with being the best mother I can to my three children still here with me. Thank you for your honest words and sharing your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

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