“She has changed,” they say.
As if I should be as I was.
As I was before.

But things changed.
Every single thing.
Everything changed that day.
In that moment.
When he died.

I will go on living.
But everything changed.
I am changed.

When temperatures fall or a freeze hits, an oak tree changes colors.
Leaves turn from green to red and yellow and brown.
It’s the same tree.
Right where it’s always been.

But the tree is changed by outside forces.
Never to be the same.

In spring, when temperatures warm and the sun shines
new leaves will grow.
New branches and twigs and leaves will sprout.
The tree will look the same as it did the spring before.

But it’s not the same.

That tree will never be exactly as it was.
There is new life where old leaves died.
There are new leaves, different leaves.
The tree is still alive, still growing, still covered in leaves.
But it is changed.

Forever changed by outside forces,
By what is happening around it.

If a little thing like a drop in temperature can forever change a mighty oak tree,
why would they even imagine that something so huge,
so monumental,
so earth shattering
as the death of one I love
would not change me?

His presence in my life changed me.
It made me a better person.
I pray his absence will do the same.

Yes, I am changed.

I am forever changed.

Lord, may the changes in me glorify You. Amen


17 thoughts on “Changed

  1. I, too, agree that we are forever changed after a loss. My biological father died 3 years ago this month and now I am facing the loss of an aunt who was like an older sister to me. I feel the change in me beginning and my husband and I have had some good talks.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sorry for your loss. Losing my dad was very hard. I still have days I wish I could call him, and it’s been 13 years. I’m so grateful he was my dad!

      I’ve changed in many ways with each loss. Some of the changes were definitely for the better. I appreciate little things more than I did before. My relationship with God is much closer.

      I’m glad you and your husband are talking about the changes. Grieving can get tough on a marriage; we need to choose to star close.

      I’m praying for your family as you go through hospice and the impending loss.


  2. Kathleen, I am so sorry for your loss and will pray for you after leaving this comment. May our Lord Himself bring you comfort and peace.Having lost a brother just a few months ago, I agree – we are never left the same. His life and passing have impacted my life more deeply than I could ever have realized. May you cling to Jesus and I am grateful you shared your heart. Blessings!


  3. Kathleen, I am so very sorry for your loss and so grateful you would be willing to share your words with me. I am saying a prayer right now for your heart and mind and soul to find comfort where God sends it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Kathleen, I’m so sorry for your loss, and thankful that you have found grace to work it our into words. Oddly, I’m reading your poem on the day after learning that two relatives have passed away, one from cancer and one totally unexpected heart attack from shoveling snow.
    The impact of our lives on the people we love is immeasurable.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What a beautiful poem and so profoundly true. I know I’m changed by every loss that has affected my life and I’m sure the loss of my friend, will change me too. I can only hope that I’ve been changed for the better. Love ya my friend

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Lovely poem! I lost my sweet 25 year old daughter in a car accident 9 years ago. I can totally relate! We never plan/expect for our children to die before us. The 5 year mark was my turning point to reconcile my what it’s and start living again. I feel your pain and loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m so sorry for your loss. I love how you said it doesn’t define you but you are forever changed! Thank you for this loving and tender post from your heart! Bless you sweet sister! xo Donna

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I so agree. Beautifully expressed on how death effects us. I lost my brother this year, and a best-friend, mom, dad the previous 3 years. I can’t always put words to it, but these deaths have effected the decisions and actions I take today.

    Liked by 1 person

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