Random thoughts for today as I am studying suffering in 1 Peter.
In the short term, the death of our child outweighs everything else in our lives to the point we just don’t care about anything. I did not eat for days. I didn’t care about doing things like getting dressed, cleaning anything, or talking to people.
We cannot live this way long term. To do so will move us into depression and despondency. Allowing the weight of grief to continually crush us and destroy relationships will kill us.
Fortunately, my husband and dear friends encouraged me to do things like shower, get dressed, exercise, go to church, and get out into the sunshine even if just for a few minutes each day. They helped me fight off depression this way.
And through time spent grieving, trusting God, and doing the next right thing I began to find healing, hope, peace, and joy once again.
The death of my child does not define me. Yet I was forever changed.
Four and a half years later, small things still don’t matter. I don’t let little things ruin my day. And I now know I’m not in control and never was, so I stopped trying to control others. I can’t stop their ugly behavior. But I don’t have to let it cripple me.
I’ve lived through crushing grief. It was awful, yet I survived.
My heart was wounded. God has helped me heal. I am stronger now I’m many ways because I have been very, very weak. Helpless even. Through Christ brokenness has brought great healing and strength.
For those new to this journey, give yourself time. Be patient with yourself and with others. Take time for self care. Trust God to be who He says He is and to do what He promises. Don’t give up on others but don’t let them cripple you.
Almost five years after The Accident, I’m walking in more peace and joy than I thought possible…even with other trials at every step. And I have my hope set on the true grace.
Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”
1 Peter 1:13-16