Junk. So much junk in my past. So many times they hurt me or tried to control me and lied. I have forgiven them. I wish them well. But I cannot have them in my life.
I wish I could have a relationship with them. But I can’t. I’m not willing.
Or I’m not strong enough. Not strong enough to stand the beating yet again. I wish I could have them in my life. But, when every single time I try, they push and shove and hit until I am on the ground bleeding and then they kick me in the gut over and over again…. Until I am left with deep wounds which are almost invisible to those around me. Wounds that affect every part of me if I allow them to.
I have willingly forgiven them. That doesn’t mean I have to trust them or allow them to continue to hurt me.
We must freely forgive those who harm us, yet setting boundaries is healthy and often necessary.
Giving second and third and fourth chances is good and honorable, yet there comes a point where we have to say, “If your behavior continues, I cannot __________.” This is not a matter of unforgiveness or lack of love. It is healthy, for both parties.
Going through the trials of the past year, I have learned a few things.
~ I am not in control of others or of the situations around me; I am only in control of my thoughts and my actions.
~ Recognizing that I am not in control does not mean I must allow you to control me.
~ The fact that I will not longer allow you to control my life does not mean I’m trying to control yours.
~ I answer to the One who is in control: the Creator of the universe who judges justly and is love. To Him alone I will ultimately answer for all my thoughts and deeds.
May I be found pure and blameless on that day.