Eight years this week.
It seems a lifetime ago.
His younger siblings grew up and his baby sister finished college. His older brother graduates next year. One brother was a cheerleader at two Division One universities and is now in the Army. One sibling is fostering teenagers. One sister is dating a great guy with two sweet daughters. His oldest sister and her husband have had two more babies. His siblings lived in CO, TX, and TN. They now live in NC, TX, NM, GA, and Utah. One of his brothers is getting married in October.
I no longer homeschool. My years of traveling and presenting Home School for High School seminars are over.
The pups we had, that he knew, are gone. A new black pug named Molly has joined the family.
The house has a new roof and was painted a completely different color a few years ago. We’ve planted new trees and cut down others that died in the Texas heat.
The cars we drove back then are long gone. New used SUV’s are in the garage. His older sister now drives the car that was his. A ‘96 Honda.
His dad still works at the same place. All of his siblings have changed jobs. His friends are almost all in different jobs and different cities.
The owner of the dance studio where he started retired. His favorite ballet teacher bought the studio.
I’ve become guardian to his grandmother who suffers from dementia due to Alzheimer’s. I fought in court for year to get her away from her sister who was starving her to death on purpose. She now lives in our home and I’m her full-time caregiver. She was with me the last time I saw him dance, heard his laugh, and hugged him. She does not remember him. Nor does she know who I am.
Though I never dreamed of being an author, I started this blog. And had a few posts go viral. I’ve been featured on Huffington Post and Ann Voskamp’s blog. I have a few thousand followers.
Two weeks ago I had rotator cuff repair. My second since he left planet earth.
I’ve spoken at women’s conferences and churches. I was privileged to speak at one international women’s conference a few years ago. “Peace for the Troubled Heart” was the theme.
I’ve written and had published eight books (including two revisions). Four on grief. Now I am creating a series of puzzle/game/activity books for adults with special needs or cognitive decline. Fun Brain Games for Adults Volume One became a best seller in “Adults and Continuing Education” on Amazon. His mom is a best selling author!
He was here for none of these things. Things that simply are. Things that are part of our lives. Our lives without him.
My point: Life goes on.
And yet, this week I’m taken back to that day. That week. That horrible time. That time when we faced the most painful thing I’ve ever known. That time when I had no choice but to press into Jesus. And that time when friends loved us well.
They continue to love us well.
This week I’ve been getting lovely, kind texts from friends who remember him. Who remember where they were when the learned of his death.
Friends are posting memories.
They are asking how I’m doing. And I know they not just referring to my shoulder or to my caregiving. One asked to come take me out for cake ball and coffee today. I had to turn down due to my post-op appointment. We’ll go to lunch Monday.
No, I didn’t ask for my child to die. But I would not change a thing. Even if I could undo what happened that day, I wouldn’t.
He is in the presence of Christ. Alive and well. Worshipping our Creator before the throne of grace. He is safe. He is alive. He is LIVING eternally with his Savior.
And God has done amazing and beautiful things in me and in those who knew him.
I know all his days were written in God’s book before one of them came to be. I trust God’s plan, even when I don’t like or understand it.
God truly is using all things – even something so ugly and gross as my son being crushed by a truck going 80 miles per hour on a dark lonely Texas highway. God is using all things for our good and His glory.
Am for that I am grateful.
The Accident occurred late on August 12, 2013. Because of the remote location they were not declared dead until 12:30am on August 13. Here is the story of the Day My Life Changed Forever.