Eight Years Ago this Week
Eight years this week. It seems a lifetime ago. His younger siblings grew up and his baby sister finished college. His older brother graduates next year. One brother was a cheerleader at two Division One universities and is now in the Army. One sibling is fostering teenagers. One sister is dating a great guy with two sweet daughters. His oldest sister and her husband have had two more babies. His siblings lived in CO, TX, and TN. They now live in NC, TX, NM, GA, and Utah. One of his brothers Read more [...]
His Sweater Jacket
This happened back in January. I’m sharing in hopes it helps someone else. I saw how ugly my heart is that night. ~~~~~~~~~~ Yesterday morning I was tired, and it was a gray day. I had no plans, so I put on sweats, a long-sleeve t-shirt, and a sweater jacket that had been Andrew’s. It’s the only piece of his clothing I kept to wear. It’s big on me and very soft. It’s warm. I love it. I stayed in my comfy clothes all day. I’d taken the sweater jacket off after dinner and Read more [...]
Changed
"She has changed," they say.
As if I should be as I was.
As I was before.
But things changed.
Every single thing.
Everything changed that day.
In that moment.
When he died.
I will go on living.
But everything changed.
I am changed.
When temperatures fall or a freeze hits, an oak tree changes colors.
Leaves turn from green to red and yellow and brown.
It's the same tree.
Right where it's always been.
But the tree is changed by outside forces.
Never to be the same.
In spring, when temperatures Read more [...]
Time Heals All Wounds. Wrong.
In the past few months, two of E’s family members have died. One, a man in his 70’s, died of a suspected aneurysm. The other, a 39-year-old man, took his own life. I did not tell her about either. She would not remember. But she would be very sad. Grieving these men I, too, loved without her grieving along with me has been hard. I’m sad she does not remember her family. Caring for her while knowing I’m not telling her everything is hard. But not telling her was the next right thing. Read more [...]
I’m Sorry, But I will Not Call Them
Friends, In the past month I’ve had four people reach out to ask me to call the mother of a young person who died. They were asking me to minister to their grieving friend whom I’ve never met. I’m sorry your friend lost their child. I’m sorry they are grieving. I really am. But, no, I will not call them. I will not call a grieving mom I don’t know, especially in the early weeks of grief. Even if they said it would be okay for you to have me call. In my experience, having a stranger Read more [...]
Sixteen Years Ago
Sixteen years ago I woke on Easter morning when the phone rang. It was Evelyn calling to tell me my dad was gone to live forever in Heaven. I could hear the love, pain, and tears in her voice. They had a beautiful marriage and an wonderful love for each other. I spent the next week at their house helping with arrangements and supporting her. For years I’d call every Easter morning to reminisce about Dad and comfort her. She no longer remembers. We no longer share stories of his humor Read more [...]
The Drawer
Today I cleaned out The Drawer. We have antique chest of drawers in our entry way. It came from my parents’ home more then seven years ago. She gave it to me just two months before The Accident. She’d bought it at a garage sale and painstakingly refinished it. It was in their breakfast room for years. It’s beautiful. It was empty when The Accident happened. In the weeks after The Accident I filled one of the drawers - The Drawer - with things that are all about Andrew and The Accident:A Read more [...]
