Changed
"She has changed," they say.
As if I should be as I was.
As I was before.
But things changed.
Every single thing.
Everything changed that day.
In that moment.
When he died.
I will go on living.
But everything changed.
I am changed.
When temperatures fall or a freeze hits, an oak tree changes colors.
Leaves turn from green to red and yellow and brown.
It's the same tree.
Right where it's always been.
But the tree is changed by outside forces.
Never to be the same.
In spring, when temperatures Read more [...]
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Time Heals All Wounds. Wrong.
In the past few months, two of E’s family members have died. One, a man in his 70’s, died of a suspected aneurysm. The other, a 39-year-old man, took his own life. I did not tell her about either. She would not remember. But she would be very sad. Grieving these men I, too, loved without her grieving along with me has been hard. I’m sad she does not remember her family. Caring for her while knowing I’m not telling her everything is hard. But not telling her was the next right thing. Read more [...]Share on social media:
I’m Sorry, But I will Not Call Them
Friends, In the past month I’ve had four people reach out to ask me to call the mother of a young person who died. They were asking me to minister to their grieving friend whom I’ve never met. I’m sorry your friend lost their child. I’m sorry they are grieving. I really am. But, no, I will not call them. I will not call a grieving mom I don’t know, especially in the early weeks of grief. Even if they said it would be okay for you to have me call. In my experience, having a stranger Read more [...]Share on social media:
Sixteen Years Ago
Sixteen years ago I woke on Easter morning when the phone rang. It was Evelyn calling to tell me my dad was gone to live forever in Heaven. I could hear the love, pain, and tears in her voice. They had a beautiful marriage and an wonderful love for each other. I spent the next week at their house helping with arrangements and supporting her. For years I’d call every Easter morning to reminisce about Dad and comfort her. She no longer remembers. We no longer share stories of his humor Read more [...]Share on social media:
The Drawer
Today I cleaned out The Drawer. We have antique chest of drawers in our entry way. It came from my parents’ home more then seven years ago. She gave it to me just two months before The Accident. She’d bought it at a garage sale and painstakingly refinished it. It was in their breakfast room for years. It’s beautiful. It was empty when The Accident happened. In the weeks after The Accident I filled one of the drawers - The Drawer - with things that are all about Andrew and The Accident:A Read more [...]Share on social media:
Wrong Car. Right Guy
It’s been seven years since Andrew died. Seven years of grief and grace. Seven years of living without one of my kids, without seeing him finish school, follow his dreams, dance, or smile. Today I am grateful for fun stories shared by his friends. One of Andrew’s friends, Sarah, sent me this note just a month after The Accident. They were in Texas together for two summers. This note made me laugh and cry. I’ve remained friends with Sarah and asked her permission to share. I hope this Read more [...]Share on social media:
Grief Brain
Grief Brain. It’s real. Here’s my story. About ten months after The Accident, Ron and I were traveling and scheduled a night in Hot Springs. We planned to go to the While We’re Waiting Support Group Meeting. We live six hours away in Texas. This was Ron’s first time. I’d driven over for a prior meeting. That afternoon we got to town, checked into our hotel and changed clothes to go out. We shopped in a few fun stores then grabbed an early dinner before the meeting. We arrived Read more [...]Share on social media:
