Disappointment Is a Wonderful Feeling

Something unusual happened today. We’ve been married 36 years. That’s a long time. We are getting older. We’ve spent lots of time together. It’s easy to get used to things, to get used to each other. Ron comes home for lunch a couple of times each week. I don’t know when he’s coming or what…

My Morning. And Mowing. And Flying.

How’s your morning going? Mine? Thanks for asking! I’ll tell you. Got up early to mow while Ron was in Bible study. It’s a beautiful morning to mow in North Texas. I was mowing the front pasture with my zero-turn mower. About two acres. I decided to mow the steep slope next to the driveway,…

It’s What Adults Do

I failed as a parent of an adult the other night. My adult kid (who lives in another state) called me very late that night. Things had gone badly for them that day. They needed me to listen. I did…for a while. Then I mentioned a couple of things they had done wrong and offered…

Our Seventh Thanksgiving

Our seventh Thanksgiving without Andrew. I miss him. I still have days when the grief takes my breath away. But those days are rare and far between. The missing is more of a dull ache than searing pain. His name is mentioned. His siblings remember. His friends remember. We remember. But even if no one…

Smile

The past eighteen months have been hard for me. Hard physically. Hard mentally. Hard emotionally. Hard on my marriage. Yet never once did my husband give up on me. He’s always there. Always. During good times and hard times. He doesn’t have to be there; he chooses to be there. Because he chooses to love…

Remembering Andrew

A sweet friend calls every August 13 and asks, “Any fun Andrew stories you want to share.” We talk about him, our husbands , grandkids, and adult offspring. It’s a wonderful chat. Yes, I miss him. Yes, I still have days when it hurts to not be able to pick up the phone and call…

Letting Go of Junk

Junk. So much junk in my past. So many times they hurt me or tried to control me and lied. I have forgiven them. I wish them well. But I cannot have them in my life. I wish I could have a relationship with them. But I can’t. I’m not willing. Or I’m not strong…

There Was No Heartbeat

At ten weeks there was no heartbeat. My doctor ordered an ultrasound. They found no baby. The baby whose heartbeat we had heard a week before was gone. I was cramping and bleeding. Not enough to be life-threatening, but definitely uncomfortable and definitely something to monitor. My doctor was slow to order a D&C in…