Letting Go of Junk

Junk. So much junk in my past. So many times they hurt me or tried to control me and lied. I have forgiven them. I wish them well. But I cannot have them in my life. I wish I could have a relationship with them. But I can’t. I’m not willing. Or I’m not strong…

There Was No Heartbeat

At ten weeks there was no heartbeat. My doctor ordered an ultrasound. They found no baby. The baby whose heartbeat we had heard a week before was gone. I was cramping and bleeding. Not enough to be life-threatening, but definitely uncomfortable and definitely something to monitor. My doctor was slow to order a D&C in…

Dear Musician Friends

Dear Musician friends, I’ve heard many of you play. I’ve been to your performances. You are very talented. You must practice often. I know you do. Sometimes you practice for an hour or more each day. Sometimes you practice alone, sometimes with a few other musicians. Have you considered spending time one day each month…

He Is Right. Again.

In the past couple of days I’ve received phone calls, messages, and texts from half a dozen women who need comfort, help, or love. Some of them I hadn’t heard from in months or years. I like them all. They are wonderful ladies. Here is a conversation between my husband and me: Me: It’s like…

Breathing Treatments. And Practical Love.

Day four of breathing treatments. I don’t have asthma, but since a short bout with pneumonia ten years ago, when I get a respiratory infection I need breathing treatments. It rarely happens, but when I do get this kind of sick, it can be scary. I have one now. I’ve had it since Sunday night.…

A Lovely Day

Today was a lovely day. I’m visiting my loved one at the assisted living. I’ve been here since Thursday. I stay in a guest room on site, so I get to do life with Marie. (That’s not her real name to protect her privacy. All names have been changed.) I had lunch and dinner with…

His Will Be Done

The past few weeks I’ve wanted vengeance. I confessed my weaknesses and need for help. Friends prayed. One rebuked me (in love). My attitude changed. Not by my will, but, I’m sure, because of friends who love me. Now I want to be a minister of reconciliation. This is what I wanted at the beginning…

I’m Done

Looking back over my writings the first year after The Accident. I was able to turn towards God and His truth even as I walked through loss. I’m walking through a different kind of loss now. A different kind of trial. This is hard. I can’t. I can’t turn towards God and truth. I can’t…